How To Get Motivated When Everything Sucks

What to do when you have no motivation

Perhaps you recognise this: you’re sitting there staring at your to-do list, feeling utterly unmotivated to tackle even the simplest task. Everywhere we look there are cliches and advice on how to 'get motivated,' from reward systems to productivity hacks. But what if we've been approaching motivation all wrong? What if the secret to getting things done isn't about finding motivation, but about redefining our relationship with it entirely?

What if the only problem you have when not feeling motivated, is that you’re expecting to be motivated when you’re not.

Hear me out. When is being motivated ever an issue? When you’re not. When you’re not feeling motivated is ever the only time that motivation is a problem. Any other time it’s simply an nonissue. What does that tell you? I know what it tells me:

You only need motivation for sh*t you don’t want to do. The rest gets done.

The key part here being, “… sh*t you don’t want to do.” You’re expecting yourself to want to do what you don’t want to do … and so you’re trying to find ways to make yourself feel better about doing what you don’t want to do. So you look for all kinds of ways to manipulate yourself into doing what you don’t want to do.

You try rewarding yourself. Promising all kinds of treats if only you can do this one thing.

After I’ve done the task/chore/habit/ I will …

• have a slice of pizza

• watch a movie

• go for a walk in my favourite park

• treat myself to a massage

• buy myself a gift

And when the rewards don’t work you try … scaring or punishing yourself into submission. By tapping into your desire to avoid painful consequences you’re hoping that THAT will get you moving!

If I don’t do the task/chore/habit …

• I don’t get to watch my favourite series today

• I won’t eat another piece of food for the rest of the day

• I will have to do the dishes for a whole week (by hand!)

• I will be a loser, and amount to nothing ever

• Nobody will like me … ever …

A close relative to the above method of manipulating yourself into doing what you don’t want to do is to employ what is called commitment vehicles, ways to hold you more accountable to the task at hand. Examples of such are:

• Paying money to someone if you fail

• Having someone check in with you every day

• Success-streaking; visually checking off each time you’ve completed the task on a calendar creating pressure not to break the chain of successes.

• Posting online about your goal or commitment (social pressure)

• Lock away all your digital devices until the task is finished

Despite countless books, podcasts, courses and other resources on the topic of motivation and habits, we’re still asking the same question: how do I get motivated? Clearly there’s no lack of tips, hacks or tools designed to help us find motivation. And yet, we’re not more motivated. I’m suggesting that the reason for this is that there’s a design flaw in the whole concept of “find motivation”. You’re trying to be motivated to do what you don’t want to do.

But here’s the thing: Doing what you want to do leads to motivation. Doing what you don’t want to do leads to stress (and the need to find motivation).

You’ve tried it all when it comes to getting motivated. And yet here you are, reading yet one more article on how to find motivation. So let me introduce a radical and rebellious idea, that you do more things that make your spirit happy!

Not All Motivation Is Created Equal

When engaged with tasks and activities that makes your spirit happy you’re engaged in a behaviour because of the inherent satisfaction of the activity instead of the avoidance of pain or promise of reward. This is called Intrinsic motivation.

Intrinsic motivation tends to have several key benefits compared to extrinsic motivation (consequence/desire):

1. More lasting. Intrinsically motivated behaviours are more likely to last over time, even without external rewards or pressure.

2. Higher quality. People who are intrinsically motivated often produce higher-quality results driven by personal interest and satisfaction.

3. Higher creativity. Intrinsic motivation enhances creativity and innovation by encouraging individuals to explore and experiment based on their natural curiosity.

4. Psychological well-being. Doing what is inherently satisfying for it’s own sake leads to moments of flow and less stress which enhances one’s well-being.

5. Autonomy. Doing what one wants and enjoys leaves a sense of control and freedom.

6. Deeper learning. People tend to engage more deeply with a topic that they're intrinsically motivated to study.

7. Resilience. Intrinsically motivated individuals are often more resilient in the face of setbacks or challenges, viewing failure as learning opportunities.

8. Authentic and aligned. Behaviours driven by intrinsic motivation tend to feel more authentic and aligned with one's values, which increases one’s overall well-being.

Here’s What You Can Do to Tap Into Intrinsic Motivation

Choice. When you recognise that there’s always a choice, it fosters autonomy and self-direction. It’s never that you have to do something. It’s always a choice. Simplifying, clarifying and limiting all your commitments and obligations are a great way to make more space for what you want to do, and it also promotes choice; choosing what to spend your time and attention on.

Follow the “spark”. Some years ago the international sensation Marie Kondo made waves in our homes when she proposed that we only keep things that “spark joy”. Marie suggests keeping only items that "spark joy." This approach isn't just about tidying; it's about surrounding yourself with things that contribute to your happiness. By following this "spark," you can live more intentionally and meaningfully. And this is similar to what I mean when I ask you to do more of what makes your spirit happy. Let inspiration be your guide.

State of flow. You've likely experienced a flow state before—a moment of perfect synchronisation between body and mind, where you're fully immersed and undistracted. Time slows, senses sharpen, and you merge with the task at hand, creating effortless momentum. This state is accessible to everyone, whether engaged in physical activity, creative work, or even routine tasks. It's a state of peak performance and deep satisfaction, all according to psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. 

How to increase moments of flow:

1. You want to care about the task at hand.

2. The activity, job, or task should be just the “right kind of challenge”, striking a balance between it being too easy or too hard.

3. Ideally, the activity should align with your strengths and skills.

4. You want to be focused on the journey not the destination. Care less about the outcome and more about the experience.

Purpose. Granted, having a strong enough purpose is what can get you through most things and therefore can be crucial when being driven by extrinsic reasons for doing things, it’s also a gateway into intrinsic motivation. When tasks and goals are aligned with your core values or with your bigger WHY they’re becoming meaningful and worthwhile in and of themselves. And this is essentially what it means to be intrinsically motivated. Even if you don’t finish or achieve your task or goal the mere act of doing them can be fulfilling and satisfying. Align your tasks and goals with your personal interests and core values in order to tap into purposeful and intrinsic motivation.

Curiosity. Playfulness is a crucial element of fostering curiosity. And by incorporating more playfulness, adventure and curiosity into your tasks and activities they start to feel intrinsically motivated, making them more fun and enjoyable. Also, curiosity increases learning and memory retention by 30% making it both exciting and effective. Consider making more time and room for fun, exploration, adventure and novelty in the things that you do. Perhaps break up monotonous tasks or routines with novel ways of “side-quests”. A side-quest is what can be considered something that doesn’t directly serve the end goal, but offers experience, excitement and growth which in the bigger schemes of things ends up being valuable.

Safety. Intrinsic motivation comes from the inherent satisfaction and joy of doing the activity. If you don’t feel sufficiently safe then it’s harder to engage with an activity from a place of joy. Creating a psychologically safe space where risks are not only allowed but even encouraged fosters more creativity and innovation. Taking risks from a safe place knowing that failure is part of the learning process and a requirement in getting things “right” is often a prerequisite for intrinsic motivation to arise. View your tasks and goals from a beginners perspective, reframe what failure means, and seek out collaboration and peer support.

In the end, the search for motivation isn't about finding ways to force yourself to do things you don't want to do. It's about aligning your actions with your intrinsic desires, values, and curiosities. When you shift your focus from "how to get motivated" to "how to do more of what naturally motivates me," you'll find that productivity and fulfilment often follow naturally. So the next time you're struggling to find motivation, instead of reaching for another productivity hack or self-manipulation technique, try asking yourself:

1. What would make my spirit happy right now?

2. How can I inject more choice, curiosity, or playfulness into this task?

3. Is there a way to align this with my bigger purpose or values?

4. Can I create a safer environment for myself to explore and potentially fail?

Remember, true motivation doesn't come from external pressures or rewards. It comes from within, from doing things that resonate with your authentic self. By embracing this approach, you may find that you don't need to "find" motivation at all – it's been within you all along, waiting to be unleashed through activities that truly inspire and energise you.

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Did this resonate with you? Please share your thoughts with me and the rest of the readers. When you ask questions or share your insights I might pick them up and make a video addressing your post. Help me help you make things happen the easy way — let’s keep the conversation going.